Guilt and regret
Posted by: 13
Post title: Guilt and regret
Date: 09/28/2026, 06:47:30
Original URL: Click here (However, the link may be stale.)
Guilt - not guilty, your Honour. We were idealistic, naive, and duped. And when we realised we'd been duped, we quit. I can't see any room for guilt to come in.

Regret? I could have spent my time in better ways. I could have dodged the intellectual cul-de-sac of not leaving room for doubt in my mind. I could have done much better at university if I'd actually attended a bit more, instead of hitching around Europe going to festivals, and if part of me didn't somehow dismiss it all as just part of 'the world'. This could be the start of a very long list of how I might have done better in so many ways.

But then, what could I have done that would have no chance of causing regret? What kind of life would it be without mistakes? One where you avoided all risk perhaps, which would be a mistake in itself. Any risk includes the possibility of failure. My inability to map out a life that I could call wholly successful and without mistakes means I can't really wallow in regret either.

Yes, I can regret my involvement, but can't really regret that I have regrets. One door opens, another closes, and there is no route we could have taken which didn't shut down other options, risk other ways of failure.

Note to self: try to avoid doing anything you'll regret, but don't expect to succeed.

Re: Guilt and regret
Posted by: lesley
Post title: Re: Guilt and regret
Date: 09/28/2026, 13:14:28
Original URL: Click here (However, the link may be stale.)
yes, guilt but not guilty.  it's interesting isn't it - I started thinking about my life and realised it's not just my guilt and regret it is the sea of family feelings I was born into and that is ongoing too.

I was a little girl walking down a very long road on the way to primary school when I tangibly nailed the issue.  I remember thinking that there should be two sets of rules and telling my mum she didn't need to tell me to be considerate, I just was, there was my father or she could talk to my brother/s if she wanted, not that I thought they'd listen.

Socially speaking, it's not the feelings, it's the person.having them, what they do with them.  but somehow we ended up with a prohibition on negative feelings.  As if.  As if you could stop the schoolyard bully throwing punches.  As if we were all the same.

and that's just the tip of the iceberg, iceberg? am I kidding isn't there something bigger?

By the time I had been guilt-tripped into thinking the reason my husband didn't want to hug me was because I was so messed up, I didn't know where my feet were any more.

So yes, at one stage I moved my bed into my studio and I would spend hours upon days upon weeks curled up and just letting my feelings come and go and listen to what they had to say.  It was a good time like setting sail on a ship, with my cat on the front deck.

Re: Guilt and regret...
Posted by: lakeshore
Post title: Re: Guilt and regret...
Date: 09/28/2026, 18:22:37
Original URL: Click here (However, the link may be stale.)
...anger, indignation, humility, remorse, contrition, sadness, grief, love, pride, compassion, empathy, kindness... to name a few... the spectrum of human feelings and emotions is vast.

"but somehow we ended up with a prohibition on negative feelings"

(Anger, desires, attachments rob us of eternal life...)

Who's to say which emotions and feelings are positive and which are negative? I believe they all serve a vital and fundamental purpose essential to the survival and well-being of our species. Catalysts that trigger both positive and negative actions and outcomes. Anger, for example, often viewed as a negative feeling, has produced more change for the better than anyone can even begin to describe. Where would we be without it? As Lp said, millions of years in the evolutionary making. Who ever taught a child to feel these things?

And a spoiled, entitled kid prone to volatile temper tantrums comes along and thinks he knows better? Too arrogant to ever admit to making a mistake or being wrong about anything? What a joke! Has the audacity to tell his followers they have no excuse to feel pain or confusion when he's a walking cauldron of denial, discontent and, yes, confusion? Confusion! Where would we be without THAT... the catalyst that causes us to strive to become un-confused?

It's our individual response to a feeling or emotion - not the feeling or emotion itself - that falls into the positive (constructive) or negative (destructive) column. My guilt and regret (and many other feelings) concerning my cult involvement served me quite well, especially with regard to helping me revert to my core values. 

Sorry, I don't mean to come across as preachy, but these kinds of things I've learned from this forum (not that the forum is preachy). And while we're on the subject of the value of this forum (brought about by the recent quiet period), it's the people here are collectively like an anchor that helps keep my two feet on the ground.

Re: Guilt and regret...
Posted by: lesley
Post title: Re: Guilt and regret...
Date: 09/29/2026, 02:07:43
Original URL: Click here (However, the link may be stale.)
I think we got to add toxic emotion to the picture - I'm uncertain on the details I do know it happens.  And so do the chickens!

My new colourbond fence with it's locking mechanism on the gate, it just looks like it''s locked so you know, I didn't actually lock it but then I noticed the avocado had stopped thriving again and I just had this feeling he'd been coming in the back garden again so I started keeping the gate locked. 

Not long after that there was this moment, I didn't see or hear anything I consciously registered but we are all alarmed, the puss is ready to scarper and I am on my way to the back door and when I open it what do I see - the four chickens in a row facing me with their beaks open they are on their toes, wings half out and they look like they've been electrified and we just look at each other. 

I have happy chickens, when the garbage truck roars and rattles along on the other side of the fence they sure notice it but it's not a deal breaker,  This was though, they were really frightened.  my thought at the time was that it was how he felt when he couldn't get through the gate that had disturbed us.  Since then it appears he has been pouring the RoundUp into the road verge and it's killing the little flowers I planted there.

When someone is charming you into doing or giving them what they want what is happening to their true feelings towards you, which they are keeping hidden from view.