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Tues, Apr 27, 1999 at 12:59:26 (EDT)








Expremie Doubts
Hi Denise,

My concern is about what's coming rather than what's past.

I'm going to be fifty this year, and I've just discovered my map that was guiding me through life was actually for the Moscow underground rail system, and I was holding it upside down anyway.

One thing I've got out of my system though, is my burning desire to know God. (I don't beleive that my experience of 'Knowledge' was by any stretch of the imagination, an experience of God). What's the rush? We're all going to die anyway. I gave it my best shot and now I've quit.

I've got a dispensation certificate from the Creator saying, 'You've wasted enough time jerking around about trying to figure me out. Take the rest of your life off. Try fishing and painting watercolours'

Well... something like that.

I've not had any doubts since I escaped, but I didn't have any doubts when I was involved either.

We really are fickle creatures. You see it with relationships. People love each other like crazy, next thing they're trying to kill each other. Perhaps this is what seperates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. They're dumb, we're stupid.

Blather blather, I put it to you brothers and sisters, rant, mumble, yes I see it all now.

Time for my medication, I'm getting too excited.


5 Brighter than 1000 suns as seen through night vision goggles
4 As bright as the lights on Maharaji's jet
3 As bright as a 60 watt light bulb
2 As bright as a pile of burning ghi on a swinging arti tray
1 As bright as the inner light as seen by the third eye