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Fri, Aug 20, 1999 at 06:43:43 (EDT)







Premies Try This...


I've noticed a conflict here between Premies, and Ex-Premies, on the subject of money. The Premies are adamant it's all about an 'innner experience', be it God, snot, whatever, and nothing to do with cash.

So, if you're one of those still on the sinking ship, water up to your waist, yelling, 'Have faith in the Captain, we're on our way to Paradise', next time you're:

Asked to fork out 25 quid, and make a donation to watch some crappy videos and listen to some bloke ramble on for an hour.

Asked to fork out 8 quid for a crappy, tacky, 'Pravda' style magazine that tells you, for 36 pages, how beautiful everything is in the world of 'Knowledge'. (Turn to the 'Around the World' section, see how many white South African premies are making their black servants watch Introductory Videos. See Knowledge spread.)

Get a call from your local 'rep' (who represents an insatiable need for quids) saying would you like to try a bit of 'financial service'.

Get a leaflet pressuring you to complete a standing order at your bank, paying loads of quids each month to do 'his work' (the new extension in Malibu for example)

Get asked along to a special 'fundraising meeting for active premies' and told you are a miserable turd because you are stopping the Lord of Creation from completing his Master Plan for Satyuga (getting the new extension finished by Christmas, and upgrading the private jet) due to lack of cash, and if the Universe folds in darkness and the night is filled with the cries of motherless babies, and your Master is forced out onto the street to sell 'Big Issue' (A newspaper sold by the homeless in Britain), It's all your fault, you dirty, mean fisted Judas you.

And if you get a call from a honcho, telling you about this private little project Maharaji's got going that needs a little funding...

Brothers and Sisters...if you are asked any of these, or similar questions, simply reply,

'It's not about money. It's all about an inner experience. Go and get a job you idle sod'

(All prices are quoted in quids)

Anth the Only Trying to be Helpful

5 Brighter than 1000 suns as seen through night vision goggles
4 As bright as the lights on Maharaji's jet
3 As bright as a 60 watt light bulb
2 As bright as a pile of burning ghi on a swinging arti tray
1 As bright as the inner light as seen by the third eye