In the ashram meetings, Rawat encouraged the ashramers to look down on the 'married ones' (excluding him and his dear bro 'Raja Ji'). I remember the derisive tone of voice he had when he said 'married ones'. In one ashram meeting, someone asked Rawat something like 'How come we can't be married, you're married'. Rawat replied 'You're not Guru Maharaj Ji'. I think in the same meeting, 'Raji Ji' was there and little Prem Pal asked him 'How come you're in the meeting? you're married!' and laughed.
When I left the ashram after Toronto '74, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could 'have it all'. You know, I was 21. I thought maybe I could have a girlfriend or something. You know?
Anyway, it became so obvious (as if I didn't already really know) that m considered people who'd left the ashram as little better than Indian Givers (my apologies to all my native clients, etc. etc.). I'd given my life to my CREATOR, hadn't I? So who the fuck did I think I was planning to sit down and meditate, and pray for great, deep experiences of devotion and all that, if I'd stolen my body back, so to speak?
Now here's what really pisses me off: all the motherfuckers who try to tell em I was imagining things. That it was maybe my own paranoia, or misunderstanding, or that maybe my community co-ordinators layed this trip on me but m had nothing to do with it. Hey, I've got one thing to say to any of you who lay that shit on me
(Warning to all Recent-Ex's: here comes some really bad language. I'm sorry, it's just coming out and I don't know what to do about it. But I guess that's why you have your own forum, huh?)
FUCK RIIIIIIIIIIGHT OFF!
I mean, really, as if! And let's face it, the community coordinators and everyone else involved were all just 'waiting the words of the Hamster' too. Remember '76? Maharaji set 'Let there be Knowledge-Lite!' (first draft) and there it was. The cc's were out there doing the bump just like everyone else. Why then? Because m set the tone.
And after? After Essen where m said 'Let there be Heavier Guilt Trips than Ever Before!' Voila! That's what happened.
But then isn't that what a cult's all about? Immediate responsiveness to its leader's every whim? You know, some cults cut their balls off and wore Nikes. We had mind-numbing marathon confession sessions and wore big buttons of our cult leader's entire retarded family.
Okay, granted, we didn't cut our
balls off. m wins all sorts of prizes for not being the worst cult around. On the other hand, a guy I know who went to a workshop in the states with renowned cult expert Isaac Beshivek Singer -- (joke!) Margaret Singer -- said she told him that soem cult experts (don't ask me who. Maybe I could find out.) claim that m's known for having a detrimental effect on his sucker's psyches second in harm only to one other: Sai Baba. So there's that.
But the main point is that people who try to scapegoat premies are fools and liars.