I was looking through the archives the other day for the post where I clearly, undeniably jokingly told this shaggy dog story about embezzling money from the cult, getting caught, held hostage and beaten in the ashram basement and finally being allowed to leave only after my assistant showed up with the cash.  Still haven't found it yet but I will.  When I do, EV, I promise you, this will get interesting.  You'll see. 

But anyway, looking back through the archives, especially now in light of these new pages on EV's site, was really quite interesting.  Seeing the whole, long journey we've shared together, not in the cult so much but as exes, even, starting eight years ago already.

Back when exes first began communicating online we had so many unanswered questions.  Chief among them was whether or not Rawat might be somehow terribly, terribly misguided but nonetheless sincere.  I know that prospect seems ludicrous now but, for myself at least, that was a real open question then.  I was already convinced that he was certainly not what he'd presented himself to be and sure that "Knowledge" was essentially bunk, a hindu parlour trick and not a portal to my "true self" and "God realization" but as for the man himself, hell, I didn't know him really.  Only from afar.  Maybe he really believed in himself.  Maybe he really did have some residual integrity.

I remember thinking that, compared to others, this particular cult wasn't in the business of overtly lying, at least not all that much.  When I was a premie, back in the seventies and early eighties, we actually did tell the truth, as best I could tell.  That is, for example, I don't recall any premie secrets we consciously kept from the public.  This was an era of premie satsang, don't forget.  Yet there were no circulars or directions instructing us to not tell the real story about this or that.  Sure, there were delicate subjects, like the family split, the smuggled jewellery, things like that but, for us regular non-x-rated premies, all was pretty much above board.  And even as an ex I creditted this cult with being a cut above others which did indeed lie willy nilly.  You know the ones.

Over time, however, the cult has answered this question for us.  Perhaps the first real evidence came in the initial EV FAQ where, for the first time, Rawat set out a tepid, but utterly ridiculous explanation for the discrepencies between his current presentation and his former one, namely as God (and no, I don't distinguish between EV's official, public expressions and his. It's all "coming from the White House" as they say).  Exes posting then were shocked, disgusted and extremely bemused that he would actually step up to the plate only to cheat so blatantly.  That was enough to soundly answer the question about Rawat's possible sincerity for anyone then.  It was simply impossible to take him seriously, given the gross, rampant revisionism he was foisting on his followers and the public.

But now, this new FAQ is even better.  Not only has Rawat confirmed his total disregard for the truth, he's also demonstrated how despicable a creature he really is.  When we wondered aloud for the past several years how embarrassed he must be by the foul, low-class, often unintelligibe lying and harrrassment premies like Catweasel undertook on his behalf, he's now shown why he never stopped it.  He, himself, is on the same crass level.  There can be no question now that Rawat is a man of no character.  The evidence is now current, "official" and overwhelming.

But listen, I want to remind you that I've recently heard from someone who I can't and won't name yet -- don't even start to but me about that.  Really, just drop it.  I know it's a tease but there's a good reason things must be so for now, trust me -- a person who has filled in the picture of Rawat for me in such a way that it's now so ever clear that Rawat is undeniably one of the vilest people around.  But then, that's nothing new, is it?  Not if you've read his latest FAQ.

Perhaps as a corollary, in some loose fashion, to this process of exploring and learning more about Rawat, a stroll through the archives is also interesting as it illuminates how settled the two sides have grown over the years.  Like I say, the exes had a bunch of questions back then which now have largely been answered.  The premies, if you go back far enough, didn't know what the hell to think.  There was a level of sincerity to the discussions, sincerity that was always being tested by the limits premies were willing to go following the evidence and their inherent common sense.  Well, those days are long gone now, aren't they?  The posting premies are beyond even the semblence of a reasoned, sincere conversation about Rawat.  We might as well be a "hate group" for all they're willing to talk with us.  In that respect, we've drawn the truth out, drawn Rawat himself out, and the premies' reactions now only prove the sad price in honesty and integrity people are willing to pay to protect their indefensible but unquestionable beliefs. 

Thank you, Maharaj Ji.  You've shown us what we needed to know and, in your own inimitable fashion, have contributed to the yearning for "closure" so many of us have expressed over time.