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She would always put a little neurotic spin on stuff but it was more her way of maintaining a hint of humanity while being one of the closest PAMs I think the reason premies liked what Joan had to say was because what she said was seen as self-deprecating. She would talk about how screwed up her mind was -- how neurotic she was, and then throw in all the point that she seemed desperately needed Maharaji to save her. Since she was from time to time a PAM, it made the premies feel better that even she was messed up and not some kind of confident spritually evolved saint. But now, especially seeing that she is still saying that stuff, it just sounds demented. This whole idea that your life is a continuing fight with a part of your own being is bizarre. It's really the basis of the Maharaji cult. You accept that your own brain is screwed up, that there is a part of yourself that is out to get you, that the world is premeated with the collective mind of millions of people and therefore illusory and distracting, and Maharaji is the only refuge. The basic assumption is never questioned. Why is it like that? IS it really like that? Of course it isn't, but it's appealing to believe that kind of nonsense, and Maharaji continues to reinforce it every time he does his speil.
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