I also appreciate what you said, Susan, that many premies quietly drift away but still find meditation to be valuable. This is where it gets too complicated to pass any judgement because once a premie finds out how bad Prem's flaws really are, they often struggle enormously with the prospect of losing decades of their investment. It's completely understandable that they'd want to hold on to something they perceive as valuable. There's no playbook for how a premie might react in the midst of such difficult and conflicting circumstances. 

What I do know is how painstakingly difficult it can be to do the hard work of "confronting the hard questions" and accepting certain conclusions.

Speaking for myself, after all my efforts to deconstruct my own vulnerabilities and involvement, it only recently occurred to me that I still believed everything was fundamentally rooted in something good and that Prem was sincere and genuine until he gradually became corrupted. Based on recent allegations, however, I'm suddenly forced to conclude that it really was (even though I'd been told) a manipulative, self-serving and cynical scam from the outset. So when it comes to meditation or anything derived from Prem Rawat, it's like water from a poison well to me.

Referring to Don's preface, I also remembered those days as filled with love, fun and enjoyment, but only until I learned the awful truth about Prem. Suddenly those positive memories turned into empathy and concern for others who were (and still are) being deceived and exploited by a narcissistic cult leader. I began to regret every action I took and every penny sent to him.

Except for the heart-wrenching innocence, sincerity and kindness of nearly every premie I lived with in those days, I have no positive memories because everything I did was in service to a deceiptful and duplicitous actor. Even if I were to have spent good times with Prem, how, in hindsight, could I ever trust that his kindness wasn't just the mask he uses to hide his sociopathic behavior that's been reported? Sometimes charm is the very strength of a sociopath.

I'm not even thankful that Prem came to the west and introduced me and thousands of others to meditation because now they're blindly devoted and being used by someone who behaves deplorably behind their backs. Prem made them dependent on him and stole the credit for their own experience of their own lives, their own existence really. I'm not seeeing how that did any good.

Moreover, it's clear to me that Knowledge never brought an ounce of peace to Prem. If it had, he wouldn't have done all the horrible things he's done. Even that's not accurate because I doubt he ever practiced it in the first place. If it didn't do anything for him, why would I expect it to do anything for me?

Don's article implies that if Prem's flaws are too much to reconcile with the value of Knowledge and meditation, then one approach might be to distance oneself and continue practicing without him. But Prem taught us from day one that the experience of Knowledge is only possible because of him and his grace. "The techniques are just techniques. They don't do anything at all without the grace of Guru Maharaji."

So, yes, as the song goes, it does "get a little messy in heaven." As most everyone here knows, stepping back and deconstructing one's heavy involvement and complicity in a cult - "confronting the hard questions" - can be painstakingly difficult. I wouldn't make a point of all this if it weren't for so many premies still trapped in the fantasy of Prem Rawat and his Knowledge, especially in the face of these new allegations. Where would I be if it weren't for the forum pioneers who cared enough about others to turn back and do everything they could to help - including knocking some sense through my thick skull when necessary.

It's hard for sure and no one should be judged for how they choose to cope with such deeply rooted, complicated and extremely unsettling circumstances. It may sound like that's what I'm doing but I'm not. I'm just expressing a different way of looking at it on a playing field with no rules. All I can do is warmly and profusely thank Don, a friend of this forum, for speaking out and wish him well. His articles have helped tremendously and I'm sure he has much more to offer.

Bob