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Let me just share how completely wonderful my life is now that I have kicked my addiction to Prem Rawat. For many years I lived only for one more 'opportunity' to experience 'that place' in the presence of Prem Rawat. Being near him, hearing his voice, feeling *that* peace was my only goal. He was the only one who could quench my thirst--a thirst that he created within me.
After reading the ex-premie pages, especially the archives of the forums, I realized that I had been brainwashed. It was downright Pavlovian, the way I entered deep trance states in Prem Rawat's presence. I recognized that I was totally addicted to seeing him and hearing his voice. He was everything to me.
At first, I thought maybe I didn't understand completely, maybe I missed something when I was shown the techniques. But I honestly tried to practise Knowledge and meditated regularly. I listened to tapes, watched videos, viewed it all through the rose-colored glasses of Prem Rawat's world. But I still needed to see him as often as possible. I was an addict, and he was my drug-of-choice. He could take all my feelings of inadequacy and fear and make me believe he was taking care of me, that he actually *loved* me.
I was extremely sad when I first realized the truth: Prem Rawat is a fraud. His techniques are not unique. His lineage has been shown to be a sham. I was angry and hurt and depressed and filled with rage for several months. But recently, my life has really turned around.
I learned to take responsibility for myself and my successes. Before, I would blame myself for failures and thank Prem Rawat for my success. Now I see how I viewed everything through blinders, through the 'Knowledge Filter' as I call it. Although being addicted to Prem Rawat definitely hindered my personal growth, I recognize how strong I am to have recovered as much as I have.
Thank you all for letting me share this with you.
Liz
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