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Editor's Note: Taken from the Anything Goes forum.

Date:

Mon, Sep 27, 1999 at 16:21:21 (EDT)

From:

Mistress Grammar

Email:

To:

All

Subject:

You have been a very naughty adverb user, Harold!
Message:
Harold, Harold! Will you never learn? Mistress Grammar is becoming more and more upset at your grammatical misbehavior. You said, in part, '... I'm finally learning to speak proper.' It's not 'proper' Harold; it's 'properly'. Now Harold, if I lacked such grand intelligence, I'd say you were making these errors on purpose, just to annoy me. I can assure you, with each post, my annoyance with you is increasing. You are very naughty and will need many grammar lessons.

What happened to the Father of my Country? Do you think I scared Georgie away when I asked you to bring the sheep? Yes, you can bring the goat instead of the sheep. You could get a sheep over on F4 if you really wanted to bring one, as I am sure you know. Mistress Grammar loves animals and would never hurt them. I am a member of PETA. You should be far more concerned about how painful the grammar lessons will be!

Tonight I will be dressed as Krishna, but I will have a monkey with me, grinding a hand organ (not yours!). You will not be swimming at the Santa Monica Pier. Even I would not force you into those waters as part of a grammar lesson.

Mistress Grammar 

5 Brighter than 1000 suns as seen through night vision goggles
4 As bright as the lights on Maharaji's jet
3 As bright as a 60 watt light bulb
2 As bright as a pile of burning ghi on a swinging arti tray
1 As bright as the inner light as seen by the third eye
Other