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| Okay, I am now mounting my soap box, or is it a cloned sheep...anyway The essence of this whole incredible trip was that I believed gmj to be the superior power in person. First a word about the creator...the creator does not care about me, that's ME as in ME. If the creator cared about me it would not have made me lose all my beautiful hair, well almost all of it. And this after I expressly prayed to the creator begging him not to make me lose my hair. So don't tell me about God's love. God does not love me the way I want to be loved. God did not create this creation the way I wanted it. Believe me, it would be very different if it was the way I wanted it. For one thing, there would not be any suffering. Just a minor detail, right? I mean, God and me, we are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to understanding each other. I don't understand a creator that creates a creation in which the dominant theme is suffering. I mean I just don't get it at all. So, in my roundabout way I am trying to say that given how weird the creator is, you know, that it creates a world in which we all suffer so much, how unbelievable is it that the creator would come down and not behave exactly as we want him to behave. That is, spend too much on material objects, drink too much, whatever it is that he does that we don't approve of. Mismanage the ashrams, ignore me, make people do mean things to me, etc. Accepting that gmj was the superior power in person meant that I gave up all rights to judging him. Ok, that was my understanding of all that. Now, what happened to me? I gradually came around to realizing that I was in a no win situation. It's just not a fun game playing guru-devotee or creator-creature if the creator can do whatever the hell it wants to you and you just have to accept it. In essence I got tired of the game because it IS a game to pretend that someone else is the creator. But here is the happy ending, for me anyway. Freeing myself from the no win situation of surrenduring my life to someone who never really showed they even knew I existed, has made my life better. My ontology has not been depleted at all. In fact, I believe my ontology had narrowed itself to practically nothing when I was a devotee of the guru. There was only one thing - that was focus on the guru. By getting out of that relationship, my self opens up gradually to include more and more possibilities. So, I have now fallen off my soap box in absolute bliss, I am free!!!! John K. |
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