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Editors Note: Only a complete fool like Honest Abe, Me, Us, Them or Whoever that guy is would not vote for this post as The All Time Greatest Post.

Date:

Sun, Mar 21, 1999 at 15:33:43 (EST)

From:

JW

Email:

None

To:

Everyone

Subject:

Oscar Nominations
Message:
Okay guys, tonight is the Academy Awards -- also known as the 'gay superbowl' in these parts. I thought we should have our own awards and so feel free to vote for you favorites and please make your own nominations in these and other categories:

Best Performance By Rawatt in a Leading Role:

1. The Lord of the Universe (1971-1982)
2. The Humanitarian Leader (1976)
3. Guru, Who Is Greater than God (1970-1985)
4. The Incarnation of God (1972-1980)
5. The Master (1985- )
6. Meditation Teacher (1990 - )

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role:

1. Mahatma Guru Charanand (for pretending to be a holy man and by just making things up that made M sound divine)
2. Mahatma Fakiranand (for his role as Matthew Silver Hammer in 'Pat Halley Must Die' and in 'Mr. Fakir: The Escape')
3. David Smith (in 'I Am A Sadistic Robot for God')
4. Michael Dettmers (in 'That Was Then, This Is Now -- I was The Right Hand of God, or Maybe Just Head of A Swiss Foundation')
5. Arthur Brigham (for his role as 'Mahatma Pompousassanand' in 'The Initiation.')
6. Ira Woods (in'I Not Only LOOK Like a Maniac, I Act Like One.')
7. Jagdeo and Padarthanad (tie) (in 'The Art of Sexual Assault.')

Best Performance by An Actress In a Supporting Role:

1. Joan Apter (in 'My Mind is So Evil I Wish His Plane Would Blow Up')
2. Monica Lews (for her roles in in 'The Invisible Mistress' and 'Where's Marolyn')
3. Anne Johnston (in 'Cleaning The Divine Jockey Shorts' (documentary)
4. Linda Gross (in 'Lawyer for God, but I Don't Know Anything')
5. Dayalata Rawatt (in 'Songs for my (Godly) Father')

Best Costume Design

1. Maharaji's hat that looks like a Christmas tree
2. The Mala outfit with the pearls that do not hide the titties
3. The Krishna outfit (red) complete with crown
4. The silk Krishna outfit (white) complete with crown, flute and red velvet cape
5. The Philadelphia Fat Naked Dancing outfit

Best Song:

1. Rock Me Maharaj Ji and Roll Me Tonight (with sexual overtones)
2. The Lord of the Universe
3. Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji, Who is the Artist of Creation?
4. Please, Please Please, Teach Me Devotion (and Beat Me too)
5. Dance, Dance, Dance (Rich Neel -- with a special award for putting more words on a single note than thought possible)
6. All Night Long (Dance Number by that short initiator from Michigan who now calls M a fraud)

Art Direction

1. The Swan Motiff at Millennium, including the faucets in M's bedroom
2. That ugly green logo for Hans Jayanti on JM's site
3. Maharaji.org's website, including the swirls
4. Enjoyinglife.org website (Am I Blue?)
5. The throne at Millenium that looked like an ad for the Association of Natural Gas producers

Best Picture

1. Some of the younger, really fat pictures, with special award to SHIP for air-brusing M's zits from his face
2. The 8x10 of Maharaji's feet on a silk pillow
3. The 'greased back' hair look of the early 70s
4. The long hair look of the late 70s
5. Satguru, Your Face Is Like The Sun picture

Lifetime Acheivement Award

1. Bal Baghwan Ji as Sat Pal, I am god too!
2. Mata Ji, in 'My Son Is A Wicked Playboy'
3. Marolyn in 'What Did I Ever See In this Guy?' 

5 Brighter than 1000 suns as seen through night vision goggles
4 As bright as the lights on Maharaji's jet
3 As bright as a 60 watt light bulb
2 As bright as a pile of burning ghi on a swinging arti tray
1 As bright as the inner light as seen by the third eye
Other