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Fri, Dec 03, 1999 at 15:59:12 (EST)


Squid Vicious





Re: Investigation into Elan Vital
And now for some gritty, hard-boiled investigative reporting.

First, the Lomboza act of '47 was clearly broken when, in the video 'The Connection Within,' 3 slow-motion waterfalls and 7 seperate bird shots were used. This clearly contradicts Lomboza's edict that no more than 2 slowed-down bits of aquatic footage and 5 bird shots could be used in any one film.

Secondly, only Natural Nectar sodas were available at the concession stand. Clear indication of a monopoly and worthy of closer study.

Third, we need Mary McGraw, IYF and Marianne to dig into the corporate filings of Mauna Loa Macadamia Nut Corporation. It seems there's a familiar name on there, an 'Arturo Brigham' and it could be a hot trail that leads right back to Rawat. Or was that Trotwat...Fatweh? Watfah?

Fifth, let's provide a list of all actors, writers and musicians who were ever associated with Watar and send copies of the list to all their prospective employers; movie execs, record company heads, publishers etc. so that they may be spared the foul stench of those that practice 'Knowledge.'

Sixth, I suggest we collect the editors of several major newspapers and force them to listen repeatedly to Michael Bolton records, informing them at regular intervals that he used to meditate in Connecticut (Cynthia can back this up). If that fails, forced listening sessions to certain, select initiator satsangs (Richard Provost and Matthias are highly recommended) should get them in line for us and finally write the articles that blow the lid off this teeming scungefest of hummingbirds, kayaks on still lakes and nectar-drinking automatons.

Seventh, and this will make Trawal cringe, we'll print the names and résumés of ALL the premies who've not included the following full-disclosure information when they've applied for jobs or advertised on the web: I, _____, follow(ed) Fatweh Trawal Watfah Singh, you know, the little Indian guy and I practice(d) the techniques he revealed, although I now understand that Ju Duk Yu, a North Vietnamese laundry proprietess, also reveals 2 of the same techniques and that there are other people named Singh. I further understand that Fatweh's brother Ernie, has taken these techniques and set himself up as a subji Guru, along with taking kickbacks from the railroad industry in Rajasthan.

Eighth. Let's blow this damn textbook thing sky high once and for all. Cynthia's feeling was that Jim had mentioned that Jean-Michel had it in his exhaustive archives that JW was under the impression that Octopus had postulated that Rob, in one of his omnipresent forms, had intimated that Marianne was hot on the trail of a previous statement by Mike Donner that he had overheard the true story of an exploding Social Studies textbook from Joey. It's true! The books explode on contact with water. Not only that, a portion of the proceeds goes to Watfah.

I could go on but I think I'm being tapped. You can't be too careful when you're sitting on such explosive revelations.

5 Brighter than 1000 suns as seen through night vision goggles
4 As bright as the lights on Maharaji's jet
3 As bright as a 60 watt light bulb
2 As bright as a pile of burning ghi on a swinging arti tray
1 As bright as the inner light as seen by the third eye