I found a part of your talk in India last week a bit interesting, this part:
"What is really important in our lives? The desire has and always will be the same. This is something that I have always seen. Since I was little, people have come and practised, done
service and been to satsang their whole lives. And I know so many who did not let go of this Knowledge at their last breath and they were so happy."
"I cannot say what happens to those people who have left Knowledge. Some of them have come back, after hearing the call of the heart.
- end of quote -
Mr. Rawat, I am one of those people who you describe as "those people who have left Knowledge." I would be happy to let you know what happens to us. Of course I can't speak directly for all the thousands of ex-premies around the world, but I can speak of my own experience, and I think it is rather common.
Actually, I have not left Knowledge if by Knowledge we mean to say the inner self, the heart, the source within. Since that is within me, I cannot leave it. You said that if we are silent and humbly seek within, we can find it. I agree with you on that point.
I really haven't left anything. Although I no longer accept you as my guide in life, or listen uncritically to your "satsang," I have not left you because I never really was with you. And although I am not doing service my whole life according to your definition, I have not left my own sense of service or action to promote the good in life.
Most importantly, I have not left myself. I am still the person who I've been since my birth. And I will be until my last breath.
What I have left, to put it precisely and correctly, is the belief system and the particular practices that you advocate for your students. I no longer believe that you are the source for my experience of "Knowledge" or that it is necessary to practice those four techniques as you prescribe, or that it is necessary to continually listen to you say the same things over and over and over and over... You seem to think that Self-Knowledge and you as the Master are inextricably intertwined. I'm not sure where you got that idea. Maybe you could rethink it before you indoctrinate any more naive people.
You say that some ex-premies have "come back" after hearing the call of the heart. I won't be coming back to study further with you or practice your prescribed way of life. And I would very much like to let you know that, from my perspective (meager though it may be), the call of the heart does not necessary lead a person directly to you or back to you, as you seem to think.
I hope I have cleared up something for you about ex-premies. As to what will ultimately happen to me, or the other premies who have rejected you as the Master, neither I nor you can predict. But I think it is safe to say that we will continue to live our lives as authentically as we are able. And I trust and hope that the grace of this life will not diminish since surely that grace is entirely independent of you and all the others like you.
In conclusion I would like to ask you something that I can't quite figure out about you. Don't you ever feel a twinge of embarassment getting up in front of people and talking like you are some kind of Divine Doorway? Don't you think there is a higher truth than that, really now!